its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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