I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
