so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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