Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
