sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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