So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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