i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
