i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
