I'm pants shitting drunk right now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
