Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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