If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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