These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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