im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize