Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize