I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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