WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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