I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
