Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
