What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
