so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
