just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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