Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
