I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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