I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
