why didn't you poke me back
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
