we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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