My liver just broke up with me...
from now on my penis is your penis
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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