i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
