My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
