I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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