just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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