i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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