just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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