I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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