I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
