We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
