I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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