i think i have herpe
just one?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
