home. puking in laundry basket.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
