You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
