i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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