I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
