hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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