It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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