a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
