In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
