I'm gonna have a badass scar
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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