the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Terrible idea I love it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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