Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We need to get me chipped asap
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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