Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
