You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Michael Bay diarrhea
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
