I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize