i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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