Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
