It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
