You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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