Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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