time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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