therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
