his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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