i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
