Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
