There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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