i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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