im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
