i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
