someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
