I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm passing your future prison.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
