I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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