The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
