Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
