I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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