Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
