i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
