May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
