Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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