Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Panties = found
Randomize