Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house

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(417): View more from Missouri

If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.

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(407): View more from Florida

We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.

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